


light up the world

by m34ns



Category: Boys Republic (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Angst, M/M, THIS IS SO OOC, and self indulgent, i just really wanted to finish this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22761892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m34ns/pseuds/m34ns
Summary: Sungjun never expected his world to end like this.
Relationships: Kim Minsu/Park Sungjun





	light up the world

**Author's Note:**

> this is so self indulgent basically i had this idea for YEARS and i had like 3/4 of it down and i just smashed the end so i could just... post it.

Sungjun never expected his world to end like this.

He expected it a lot of times and in a lot of ways. The day his parents died, sitting on his knees and watching the car burn. Bleeding, with his face against the concrete after he got beaten by those guys he borrowed money from. Holding tight Sunwoo’s hand when he rode a car for the first time since the accident. Watching Minsu sleep next to him, their faces an inch away, feeling like the bed is collapsing underneath him.

The day he hears the news is black for him. Suwoong starts crying and Sunwoo starts doing it too while he tries to comfort his boyfriend. Wonjun is not home, but Sungjun can hear the phone somewhere, and he knows this is the oldest, trying to reach them, asking if they heard it. Minsu doesn’t say anything, his eyes are cold and his face blank and Sungjun wants to hug him so bad, but he doesn’t. He wants to hug all of his friends and make sure their smells remain imprinted in his skin.

Both Suwoong and Sunwoo stop after a while. Wonjun arrived home to see the two boys cuddled on the couch, cups of hot chocolate in their hands. It’s Sungjun’s, because the mugs are dirty and the cocoa powder not entirely melted, but he tried his best. After checking up with the two, he goes to Minsu’s room. He sees the boy curled under the blanket, a mug with the same content on his nightstand, untouched.

He finds Sungjun in the kitchen, mindlessly stirring the contents of what seems to be a stir-fry. His shoulders are hunched, and he doesn’t hear it the first time Wonjun calls his name.

“Oh, you’re home,” he says looking at the man and then at the vegetables in the pan.

“I think it is edible… I know I’m the worst cook around but everybody else is just too… shocked to do anything and…”

He doesn’t realize when the tears start falling, but at soon as he feels them he can’t stop. The world is ending. He expected that his whole life, but not like this, not now. He is happy for once, he has people he cares about, people that love him, he is in _love_ , for god’s sake, _why now_?

Wonjun hugs him, telling him it’s alright, it’s fine, but not only Sungjun’s world is ending, the whole world does.

Suwoong and Sunwoo leave first. NASA says there are a few more weeks to go, around seven or so, and the two of them leave first. Sungjun understands them, but it doesn’t make it hurt less. They leave hand in hand, and they smile, which is weird, but he guesses that this is what being with the one you love feels like. They’re going to spend three weeks with Suwoong’s family and then three with Sunwoo’s, they didn’t figure out what they’re going to do after, but it’s not like / _hey have things to lose, right?_

But Sungjun does. That day, he loses half of his family.

He is afraid to ask. Wonjun assured him that he’s going to stay, and Sungjun wants to believe that, he really does. Minsu doesn’t talk that much, he doesn’t even know how to make him speak. Wonjun tried to make them do the whole “things to do before you die”, like going on a road trip or something, but everybody is tired and outside is even too hot to stay with a shirt on.

So they stay inside, eating instant ramen and watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine, because that’s the only thing Wonjun has in DVD format. If there’s something on TV, it’s updates about the solar storm. If Sungjun ever imagined the apocalypse, he did it in a different way. He imagined storms, tsunamis, earthquakes, people running and screaming for their lives. He never imagined he would sit and watch as everybody waits patiently for it.

He finds himself looking at Minsu more and more. Now, that he knows there are only six more weeks, he imagines what it is like to kiss Minsu -or to hold his hand, to put the hair out of his eyes, to tell him how much he means to him. And he could do it, say fuck it and just kiss the boy, but he thinks that would destroy him more than the news had, so he doesn’t do it.

Instead, he spends days looking at him until he’s sure he memorized every mole the boy has, the shape of his eyes, nose and lips, his jawline. He listens, in the few moments Minsu talks, so he can memorize his voice, his pace, the curves on his intonation. He looks and listens and smells so he will be sure to have these when the world won’t be here anymore, when Minsu won’t be here anymore.

Perhaps he talked too soon. In the fourth week, Minsu leaves. He disappears without saying a word to Sungjun or Wonjun. Wonjun finds out first. He woke up to see Minsu’s shoes gone, his room empty and a few clothes scattered on the floor. He doesn’t know how to tell Sungjun, but he doesn’t need to, because Sungjun is at the door already.

“Did he left?” is all the man asks, trying to sound unaffected.

“Maybe he just went somewhere, he would say if he was to leave!”

Sungjun doesn’t know who’s more in denial about this, him or Wonjun.

Sungjun dreams of Minsu every night. Of warm hands, kind eyes, curved lips, a calming voice and soft hair. Sungjun remembers all so well he feels like Minsu is still here sometimes, next to him in the bed. He feels like drowning. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to memorize Minsu.

He begs Wonjun to leave. It hurts more than he can imagine, but Wonjun deserves to spend the last few days they still have with his true family. His sister decided family is apparently more important than a house, so she came to ask for forgiveness and to invite Wonjun to spend the last week at her house. He refused, at first, but Sungjun asked him to go. Because he doesn’t need Wonjun to stay there out of pity. He doesn’t want Wonjun to stay with him when he can be with his sister, because Sungjun saw how his eyes ached for her and he can’t ask this much from his hyung, when he already did so much. Of course they asked Sungjun to come with them, but he couldn’t.

He couldn’t leave this place he called home for so long, this place where he felt loved, the place he fell in love at, he couldn’t leave this house. The house that still has hope Minsu will come back to. It’s his home too, and what if, what if he decides to come home and this house will be empty. How could Sungjun do that to him?

He spends days doing nothing, he walks from his room to the kitchen and then back. He’s afraid to go outside, to look at the sky and see what it looks like. He’s a coward and he doesn’t know how much time there’s left because he never opens the radio to try and get some signal, to find out, because he’s afraid of what he may hear.

He spends his time thinking about Minsu, dreaming about Minsu, sometimes about the others too. He misses them and he hopes they’re happy. As happy as they can be, in this situation. He cried a lot, the first few days after Wonjun left, but after a while, he got too tired to do even that. He has to take care of his water and food, he can exhaust himself from crying.

When he wakes up this time, there’s a gut feeling. He doesn’t open the radio to hear it’s the last day they will see the light. He just knows it. It’s the first time he goes outside since Wonjun left. He’s topless, and he’s sure it’s not healthy to stay without at least a tank top on in this weather, but it’s not like he has the _time_ to develop skin cancer. The sky is still dark, but shades of green play above like a spectacle. What a show, for the end of the world.

He lays on their porch, the place all five of them used to sit and drink cold beer in the summer. What he would do for a cold beer right now. He lays down and closes his eyes. It’s so hot, the air irrespirable. He feels like he’s going to suffocate. He only felt like this when he slept next to Minsu.

Minsu… The tears are forming in his eyes thinking again. He promised to stop crying about it, but what is the boy doing right now? Is he alone, is he afraid of what it may come? Is he trembling, shaking with fear? Who is there to hug him and assure things will be ok?

Sungjun would do it. He would hug Minsu close and tell him they will be alright, there’s something after this. They can be space dust. Things will not hurt there, there will be no funerals and abandons. He would touch his skin, smell the fear and try to caress it away. Maybe kiss it away. He would hold him and never let him go, not now, not when the world would end hours, minutes, seconds after, not never.

He feels hot skin touching him and he would know this touch from millions, he would know this touch in death. He opens his eyes and there he is, like in a fever dream. Minsu is next to him and his hands are touching Sungjun’s face and neck. He smells the dust in Minsu’s hair and this is too real to be a dream.

This can’t be a dream, right? Sungjun begs the universe, for whatever he matters to its grandness, don’t let this be a dream. Let him hold Minsu close, and as he moves his arms to hug him, he feels the flesh, the muscles, he feels the way Minsu’s tank top is drenched with sweat, and he prays he’s not hallucinating.

He inhales, and he finds himself unable to form any words. He’s mute. His lips are dry and his throat aches, but then there are lips on his and he realized why he was so afraid of kissing Minsu before. It was intoxicating, and as Minsu’s hand finds his and he holds it tightly, as he is kissed, and held, Sungjun realised that it was not Minsu the one to be alone, and afraid, and trembling, and shaking with fear.

It was him, all along.


End file.
